So, your friend just had a miscarriage. You feel bad for her, but honestly you just can’t relate. You don’t know how to respond. You’ve never been in her shoes. You can’t grasp all the emotions she must be feeling. You just don’t understand what it’s like to be in her reality. Well here’s the truth, it’s okay that you don’t get it. It isn’t about the cause it is about the effect. The loss of the baby was the cause, but the grief and sorrow is the effect.
Remember, Jesus mourned with Mary & Martha not because Lazarus was dead (for Jesus knew he was going to raise him from the dead). He didn’t mourn with them because He had a similar experience. He mourned with them because they were hurting.
You don’t have to suffer a miscarriage or stillbirth to show compassion to someone who has. You can be a support without knowing the right words. Yes, it will be hard and it could be uncomfortable, but don’t pull away or distance yourself. Reach out with love because God calls us to comfort those who are in any affliction, as He has comforted us.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (ESV)
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
The loss of a child is devastating, but the months and year(s) that follow can be unbearable when left to grieve alone. I am so grateful for the friends and family who have supported me this year. If you’d like specific ideas on how you can support a friend or family member who loss a child this post from The Humbled Homemaker has great suggestions. It is a good read for all because at some point you will probably know someone that is walking this road.