Awake

Awake.  Today I woke up to life full of distractions.  Today I stayed busy and never once thought of what today would have been.  Today I walked through tasks, lessons and prayers, but deep down I wasn’t awake.  Deep down my soul slept.  Slept because if I wasn’t numb today I may have to experience more than I wanted to.  But, now as the day turns to evening I am waking up.  Waking up to the thought that today, today would be the day, a day of excitement and joy.  Today if calendars were correct and timing was right.  Today we could have been in pain, but a joyous pain.  Instead I wake up today to the truth.  The fact that on this day I don’t have the baby that we had prayed for.  The baby that was conceived last May.  Instead, I will have to wait to see her precious face.  Today I don’t want to be awake.