Awake. Today I woke up to life full of distractions. Today I stayed busy and never once thought of what today would have been. Today I walked through tasks, lessons and prayers, but deep down I wasn’t awake. Deep down my soul slept. Slept because if I wasn’t numb today I may have to experience more than I wanted to. But, now as the day turns to evening I am waking up. Waking up to the thought that today, today would be the day, a day of excitement and joy. Today if calendars were correct and timing was right. Today we could have been in pain, but a joyous pain. Instead I wake up today to the truth. The fact that on this day I don’t have the baby that we had prayed for. The baby that was conceived last May. Instead, I will have to wait to see her precious face. Today I don’t want to be awake.